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Title : FBSBW&FF Day 1 Continued... Again
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FBSBW&FF Day 1 Continued... Again

I took this photo of Dave just a few minutes before our fateful chat:-)

Let me rewind a bit.

Dave had a culinary demo on Saturday at 4 p.m. I wanted to get there extra early, but barely made it on time. I was excited to see that there were some seats close to the front. The Amstel Light girls were there filling up glasses for everyone and the attitude seemed pretty chill.

Dave came out onstage and he grabbed a beer, despite already sounding a bit "relaxed." His menu included a nicoise salad made with panzanella (I think) and something citrus-ey (It's not that I don't remember; he didn't really end up making anything).

Right away, he started taking questions and let us all know that he was moving to L.A.:-( I don't know why that upsets me, but it does. It's not like I like in New York City or anything. Maybe he'll do some episodes of "Good Deal" with Sandra or Giada, now.

Then, guess who showed up? None other than the King of California cuisine...

Michael Chiarello came up and got himself a beer and praised Dave. It was funny, but kind of weird. Dave said that he was "moving to L.A. to be with Michael" or something like that. Okay, random weird bit. Chi-chi left.

Then Dave started getting crazy.

People's questions didn't help. They wanted to know what he was doing that evening, if he was married, if they could marry him, etc. I think that just fueled Dave even more.

Somehow he got on the subject of "skanks" in Miami and the revealing way women dress there. Then he started talking about "Jewish skanks" and that it was all right for him to call someone that, because he's a Jew-- and has known some Jewish skanks in his time.

Still following me? Learning a lot about cooking still? :-)

Anyhow, somehow the subject turned to Martha. Dave mentioned that he had been on her talkshow, but during the whole segment Martha seemed out of it and wasn't really paying attention to him.

I have seen Martha and know she does this, so that's no surprise. Then Dave said:

"Maybe she still had prison on her mind. Do you think Martha Stewart had a lesbian encounter while in prison?"

This got huge laughs, and I admit it's funny. Still, something I'm sure the festival organizers would have preferred not said during a demo. Dave was sure that she had. Then he said:

"I bet when that woman gets out of prison she'll be like, 'Yeah... you know that Martha Stewart. I hit that.'"

Dave! The crowd was wild, though. Then, back to skanks. He couldn't stop saying the word "skank." It happened so much that Dave mentioned this was turning into a Michael Richards-like event and that he was going to end up on YouTube.

Well, I haven't found it on YouTube yet, but I woudn't be surprised. It was also kind of crazy hearing him swear repeatedly. I think he was the only FN star to curse during his demos (both days I saw him). Kind of crazy.

Dave was a pretty naughty boy during his hour. He really had no problem telling everyone the way he really felt about things (even cursing Whole Foods, the oft-used location for his show).

What you need to know:

• Dave used citrus in his demo, but didn't have a microplane to grate it. Can you imagine how much Ina would freak out if she didn't have her zester?
• His demo never really went anywhere. As his answers got racier and racier, people stopped caring and Dave got more and more sidetracked.
• He likes to use the rind of citrus to marinate with, as it doesn't have acid in it and can give flavor without eating away the food like the juice does.
  

After Dave's scandalous demo, he walked over to do a book signing. The whole way over people approached him to take pictures and get autographs, but I respectfully stood back. I was a little shocked as to what I would say, anyhow-- especially after hearing him talk about Martha Stewart and lesbian prison experiences. Still, I knew I couldn't let the opportunity pass me by, so I mustered up the courage to say "Dave, you should check out my blog. I post about you and your shows a lot."

Now I thought that's all I would say and would hand him the URL. Well, he looked at it and said "Oh, is that yours?"

I think that's when I lost the ability to speak properly.

Here's what I wanted to say: "Yes. I really enjoy your energy and personality. I especially like your Web-based show 'Dave Does', as it shows a more personable side of you."

Here's what I really said: "Yeah...uh, I like the thing on the Website show... that uh, make you be... a funny... nice... guy... person."

Then he put out his hand and I shook it. It had pen marks on it from the book signing. Then he walked out of my life forever.

Or did he?

:-) haha. More to come.

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